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so, I have been on a bit of a journey. I have let a lot of things that are important to me slip. Like working with my horse. I have been feeling overwhelmed by his “no’s” to the point that I don’t even want him to see me when I come home lest I spoil his day! I am so blessed to have them live on the farm with me, and have unfettered access to being with them (when I am not at work), yet I find I am making less time for them. they are a happy herd of 3 and I feel like an intruder. But after the delightful, well also emotional, but enlightening discovery call with Paulette, I really felt like I could master this. I made a commitment, that, because I could not afford to pay upwards of R50k (our exchange rate is appalling) I would redo the inspiration begins with communication course (I got half way through and felt like I was going back wards) and also participate in the OLP program. Well, that never really happened. Then I did some serious soul searching, and realized that the problem lies with me. Not just me feeling less important and inadequate. But not loving me. how could I possibly really truly love my horses if I don’t even like me. no one wants to be around a misery. Having realized why and what is holding me back, I went out to my herd joyfully, and full of belief that we could and would have a conversation. I could not believe it…. they all walked up to me to greet me. I cried of course! it was magical.
I have written this down to remind myself that I do matter, and I am entitled to be happy, and what’s more, it is a prerequisite to spending time with my horses, and friends for that matter. no one wants to be near a sop. I feel so positive and grateful to be on this journey with my horses.
5.30.18 – Worked with Bree on Monday. Went to catch her in the field. She raised her head and acknowledged me and went back to grazing. I stepped a few steps closer and she walked to me and blew out. Eyes were soft and relaxed. When I went to halter her she did turn her head away with a gentle “no”. I haltered her anyway and she came with me without any urging. I groomed her and did free work in the ring. She doesn’t really like to be touched so she always seems a bit grumpy when grooming. She puts her ears back (not pinning but just looks like “I am so annoyed right now!”. I spent a lot of time on her tail. She really likes having her tail brushed. She dropped her head and relaxed her jaw. In the ring I was not really sure what to do. I tried to mimic some of what I saw in the video. She seemed confused. She walked with me for a bit then turned away and went off exploring the jumps, etc. I got the whip and encouraged her to move which she did. She went running and bucking and stopped at the other side of the ring. When I approached her again she let me come right up to her but did not really feel connected. Every time I tried to get her to bend with me she would turn away and if I kept at it she would run away. She would let me approach and touch her – she was “with” me at some points but never really said “yes”. On Tuesday I had a lesson on her. While grooming she was quite feisty – swishing her tail and moving away from me. When I went to tack her she settled right down and was super quiet and relaxed. I moved very slowly and took little breaks to talk to her. This is not usual for me as I am usually all business when I get ready to ride. I tried to just enjoy the process and her and it really seemed to calm her down. Then, we went out to the ring and had “the best lesson ever” according to my trainer! She was just obviously happy and enjoying our work. She was fresh and forward but not unhappy or angry. The only “no” she gave me in the ring was to approach the mounting block. This is usual for her. I was calm and gave her time to say yes. Just kept urging her and lightly touching her flank with my crop until she walked forward to the block.